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Dr. Laura Berman's Top 3 Reasons of Why Spouses Avoid Sexual Relationships

Tim Boyer's picture
Marriage Life

Renowned sex and relationship educator Dr. Laura Berman provides the top 3 reasons why the woman in your life won’t have sex tonight.


Having sex tonight - or any night for that matter - is sometimes a hit and miss proposition for many couples when the woman either directly or indirectly indicates that tonight is not the night to have sex. To help women (and men) understand why tonight, or tomorrow night, or the next night or…may not be the night for love, Dr. Laura Berman offers the top 3 reasons why some women won’t have sex tonight.

Laura Berman, LCSW, PhD, is a renowned sex and relationship educator, researcher, therapist and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and obstetrics/gynecology at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University. She is also the author of numerous books on sex and relationships including, “The Book of Love: Every Couple’s Guide to Emotional and Sexual Intimacy.”

Recently Dr. Berman has appeared on TV and says that many factors such as a current relationship (or lack of), stress, work, etc., can all prevent a woman from having sex, even though she really wants to. One culprit she focuses on, however, is that of a low libido.

Dr. Berman says there are three main reasons why a woman may have a low libido and offers advice on what can be done about it. The following is a summary of her recommendations for boosting a woman’s libido:

Lack if Desire—“A lack of desire is the most common sexual issue for women; they are just not in the mood for many reasons. A lot of them have to do with stress or the relationship. But if we are talking about the physical, the most important thing is that you are what you eat,” she says.

One of the foods she suggests for boosting a low libido is dark chocolate. She states that an Italian study showed that women who ate dark chocolate had a significantly higher sex drive than women who do not eat dark chocolate regularly. However, this does not mean you should be a “girl gone wild” with respect to eating chocolate. Rather, that you should limit your intake to one serving a day and that it needs to be at least 70% cocoa.

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A second food she recommends is pomegranate. According to her, scientists have shown that the high antioxidant content of pomegranates actually helps nitric oxide levels in the blood. And, because nitric oxide is an important vasodilator involved in the genitals, that pomegranates may actually increase the blood flow ”down there."

Pine nuts are a third food she also recommends because of the high zinc content that is believed to increase testosterone production in both men and women. “The testosterone both men and women have is known as the hormone of desire, so it’s possible if we eat a handful of pine nuts a day, that it will enhance our sexual desire,” says Dr. Berman.

Pain and discomfort during sex—is a second reason why some women may have a low libido. According to one survey, approximately 50% of all women suffer from pain during intercourse. One of the ways to combat this problem is seeking a prescription from your doctor for a vaginal estrogen cream. However, if an estrogen cream is not advised by your doctor, Dr. Berman advises the use of KY jelly creams that reduces friction between surfaces that come in small beads that are applied directly inside the a vagina and provides lubrication up to 2-4 days without the need for additional applications.

Difficulty in reaching a level of satisfaction—is a third reason why some women have a low libido. Dr. Berman explains that having difficulty in reaching satisfaction in combination with other factors such as pain during intercourse, presents a cost-benefit ratio problem for women. She explains that a woman’s libido may be low because the cost and trouble is too high of having sex when the benefit of having satisfaction may not be there. “It’s a lot of work for very little reward,” she explains.

One suggestion she has is that women try Maco root powder in their smoothie or soup. Maco root form South America comes in many forms and is believed to increase sensation, lubrication and arousal in women.

For a more hands-on approach, Dr. Berman also suggests that women try sexual enhancers that are now sold discreetly in drug stores on the same shelves as the lubricants. She believes that these devices may be helpful for women who are over 40 and experiencing changing hormonal levels that result in the need for extra stimulation to get things going.

For additional useful information on other resons why your significant other may not want to have sex, visit Dr. Bermans’ website at www.drlauraberman.com. Furthermore, keeping it in mind that it takes two to Tango, here is some advice on supermarket solutions that a woman can feed her man if his libido could use a boost and the secret to getting past first base on a date.

Reference: Love & Sex with Dr. Laura Berman



Women need to think about sex. If they don't think about it they don't have any libido. I need to call Dr. Berman so she can add that. lol