The Russian Orthodox Portal "Pravmir" published a small excerpt from Mansur Shangareyev's book, called "Daddy's Babies: A Book for Moms About Happy Children, Their Upbringing and Fatherly Instinct. Shangarayeve is an Instagram blogger, who has more than half a million followers.
Here are Shangarayev's 8 tips about children's upbringing and not hurting their feelings.
1. Do not let your child go to sleep in tears.
Always, no matter what the child has done, no matter how upset we are - before we go to bed, resentment is forgotten, everyone forgives each other, and we all embrace. I think it's not necessary to talk about the importance of a calm, full-fledged sleep for both adults and children.
If you feel the need to discuss whatever happened yesterday, allow your child to have a proper night’s sleep, and then calmly discuss it in the morning. As they say, the morning is wiser than the evening.
2. Keep a lot of tactile contact.
We often embrace each other, hold our children, play with our hair, tickle one another, fight as a joke, hold hand. We let the children feel our warmth. This is also the case for my and my wife’s relationship. Even in public, we hold hands.
3. Keep your tone calm, make eye contact, and hold your child’s hands.
It is important that you make eye contact. Now, your orders are perceived by the child in a completely different way, and resistance disappears.
4. Punishment should never be used to humiliate.
Push your anger aside. You should always try to help teach your child a lesson through their punishment, and teach them why what they did was wrong.
5. Never laugh at the fears, questions, or failures of your child.
Yes, a ruined sandcastle or an embarrassing fall from a bicycle is not the biggest tragedy in a person's life, but it is also certainly not a reason to laugh. Laughter is even more humiliating for a child than the cursing and insulting.
6. Do not kill your child’s individuality.
Your child is as he is, with his advantages and disadvantages. Remember - you are raising a future adult. Do not push and do not try to forcefully instill love or dislike for any activity - do force the child to read if he, for example, prefers to solve equations or skate.
7. Do not suppress the emotions of your child.
Let him know that to experience a different range of emotions is absolutely normal.
The most important thing is to understand the nature of a particular emotion and how it affects the child and others. Especially jealousy. There must be a time that you spend with only one of your children. Allocate about 30 minutes where you are just their parent. Not distracted by other children, household chores, or your spouse. You can read, watch a cartoon, walk, just talk about life. Whatever you like, but the important thing is, that your child will understand that their parent loves them.
8. Women: take care of yourselves! Men: take care of your wives!
A healthy, calm, and happy mother is the guarantor of health, happiness, and peace for the whole family. Do not try to manage everything and do all the household chores - it will not work. Take care of yourself, husband, or children, and then the home. Women, do not be afraid to delegate duties and ask for help - this does not make you weak and unskilled, but instead, wise and strong!
9. Do not live for the sake of your children.
Do not sacrifice yourself, your life, and all your interests for the sake of your children. Give them enough attention and love, but do not forget about yourself. For a woman, the first place should be the husband, for the man - the wife and only then - the children.
Love your children, be close with them, support them, help them, and console them. Don't miss: If You Don't Talk To Your Children About Love, Someone Else Will.