Story of Mother with Cancer, Daughter with Autism and Selfless Love

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May 3 2014 - 3:48pm
Mother of an Autistic Child

Recently I was given the opportunity to do something that I’ve always wanted to do, to interview parents of children with autism. The parents I met along the road are awe inspiring. These parents are each facing different struggles, with different hopes, different fears, and vastly different stories to tell.

Society thinks that we all walk the same path once our children are diagnosed, that our stories somehow become the same as soon as our child is labeled as autistic. Nothing is further from the truth. Our hope is that the interviews in this series will give some a different view of the parents that raise these children.

Some Background Information
Ms. Cat Maliepaard is a single mother of a 5 year old little girl with autism. They live in Alaska. Cat’s daughter, Kylie, was diagnosed with autism recently. So recently that they do not know what her severity is yet. Cat is a great deal of support and a fountain of knowledge. Cat is a very sweet woman, a very interesting and very sweet woman. Cat was a NCOIC in the army before having Kylie. I, personally, have come to admire Cat a great deal. Cat is raising her daughter all alone, she has no help. Amongst all the chaos associated with a young autistic child Cat found out that she had cancer. This woman defines ‘tough’. She got up, regardless of how she felt or if she had just gotten chemo, and took care of her daughter. She is one of those mom’s that define the word.

Brooke: Let’s start with the basics. What is Kylie’s diagnosis/diagnoses? Severe, Moderate, Mild (or ASD 1, 2, or 3)? Does she have any co-morbids?

Cat: My daughter was diagnosed with just Autism. She was diagnosed with Insomnia and Trichotillomania as her co-morbids.

Brooke: Thank you. Finding out that your child has autism is never easy. If you had to pick one defining emotion you felt when you first heard that Kylie had autism what would you say it was?

Cat: Sadness. I felt sad because I didn’t know if she could ever be happy or how to make her happy.

Brooke: Sorrow is a reasonable emotion.” “Did the doctor(s) diagnose her autism right off or did she go through several misdiagnoses like a lot of parents’ experience?

Cat: When she first stopped talking a general doctor told me I just needed to force myself to talk to her more. I thought I already was. Then just before she turned 2 she was diagnosed with autism.

Brooke: Doctors placing blame, it’s a good example of how difficult autism can be. What has been the hardest part about raising a Kylie? How have you coped with it?

Cat: The hardest part about raising my autistic daughter was doing it by myself. None of my family really understands autism and even my own father said she could talk if she had a better mother. I cope with raising her by using my time wisely. I need to sleep as soon as she does, I don’t need to waste time with family or friends trying to change their mind/views on autism. Some people think they just know everything.

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Brooke: I admire you Cat. Autism is hard, doing it as a single mother has to make it much harder. What has raising Kylie taught you the most about yourself?

Cat: Raising an autistic child has taught me not to be selfish. However, I tend to go over to the opposite end and just forget about any ‘me’ time or being social.

Brooke: Autism does require vast unselfishness to live with. While raising an autistic child is hard, it isn’t all hardships. What has been the funniest thing about raising Kylie? Tell me about it.

Cat: Kylie is socially disconnected when it comes to knowing what is right or wrong is hard. I have cancer, when doing chemotherapy I lost all my hair. When we went out I wore a wig. Little Kylie tried to rip it off my head so many times, with both hands even. People would just laugh because she was so persistent. When my hair finally grew 1 inch I stopped wearing wigs. One day a lady came into a restaurant with her husband, she was bald and wearing nothing but pink. Our food was called so I went to get it, as soon as I turned around to go back at the table, there was my daughter on the next booth, and she was rubbing the bald ladies head!

Brooke: Seems like one thing we do all have in common is that our children are great senses of joy and humor! A lot of parents have one thing they accredit a large amount of their child’s success too. What would your one thing be?

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Comments

Is her daughter happy? Why is there more boys than girls? This really seems like a sad story.
Yes, my daughter is happy at least I strive to make her smile and laugh as much as possible. I don't know why there are more males diagnosed than females.
I sobbed, giggled, smiled, periodically nodded and felt this sense of a kindred connection- a silent sisterhood if you will, while reading about Cat, her precious daughter and her experience. I too, am a single mother of an Autistic child, two years into my battle with breast cancer and very much alone. My story is very long and emotional (and I probably would need several thousand pages to document it all), but, suffice it to say I completely relate to both the attachments and severity of our childrens dependency. I have had to rely on welfare to try to get by, I have gone from a simple DCIS diagnosis, to an "uh oh, we will have to do a radical mastectomy and I'm sorry to say that with this type of cell, we cannot stage you until after the pathology report is back! I wish you didn't put this on the backburner"! YOU WHAT? THE BACKBURNER?... No, I'm the lady who begged every resource under the sun to help me find solid, safe, dependable childcare for my boy, so that I might get a lumpectomy! You see, the onlly suggestion the medical caseworker for my son gave me, was to sign him over to a foster family and the courts would determine pa,rental decisions on a more finalized basis, via a case study and hearing, once my treatment is complete. That irreversably devastating trauma, was not an option. So, my sons improvements with my home therapies and schooling progressed and so did my cancer. Now...I FINALLY have relatives willing to help and care for him (complete with pre surgical transition plan, so that he will better adapt and a shortened hospital stay). There are too few resources that do as they say they will. There are too many people who do not understand the very many layers. I am so appreciative of this article, of you and of Cat and her open nature. I suddlenly, for the first time in my little boys four years of life, DONT feel alone! THAT...is GOLDEN! Cat, if you are reading this- please email me any time! [email protected]
I knw I couldn't be the only one on earth going through all that by myself. Its devastating isn't it? I'm with you on the juggling the medical needs between both you and your child. I just don't understand how they can advise you to sign you son over to foster care. That's crazy. They was in no position to suggest something that extreme to you and should've called a better person in social services who can help with suggestions on resources available. I'll send you a personal mail in a few days too, because we should keep in touch.

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