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These Three Methods Help Save Sperm From Bacon

Turkey Bacon Turtle Burger

It's not everyday that you see bacon and men wearing kilts in the same sentence, but lo and behold, male fertility brings two unlikely subjects together in holy matrimony, opposites attracting in this case. Where eating bacon is recently suggested, though not proven, to lower sperm count, wearing kilts, eating white fish, and exercising through yoga and other means only serves to increase the chances of getting your lady love pregnant.

The idea seems absurd. Perhaps we should rewind to the moment bacon was hailed to be a major cause of infertility. Well, according to Medical Daily's reporting from the 2013 American Society for Reproductive Medicine conference, red meat and bacon in particular have been named culprits in preventing pregnancy through lowered sperm count. The Huffington Post provides more detail, pointing out that of the 156 volunteers providing sperm samples and information about their average diet, a negative association was found between processed meats such as hamburgers, hot dogs and, of course, and a man's ability to procreate.

Well, if they found bacon to be such a fertility murderer, what would it take to battle this inability to conceive? “We found the effect of processed meat intake lowered quality and fish raised quality,” explained Dr. Myriam Afeiche from the Harvard School of Public Health (HSPH). And so it is that fish have been found to increase sperm count. And not just any type of fish. White fish are the best. According to the study, cod or halibut are most definitely recommended, with dark meat fish like tuna and salmon trailing behind. You want to have children, grab your fishing rod and tackle the nearest fish pond near you, most especially if you know you can find white meat fish. No preservatives, naturally caught and gutted and barbecued with delight. What more can a man ask for?

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Well, perhaps a kilt. No need to reread that. Your eyes are not playing tricks on you. A man can do well with a kilt. The Scottish most definitely know something about fertility, considering their use of kilts has ensured a rather fertile bloodline. According to a study aptly named "Real Men Wear Kilts", it was found that the proper way of wearing the traditional clothing provides the ideal physiological environment with the perfect temperature for healthy sperm. As such, such forms of dress during the years a man wishes to remain fertile increase both sperm count and quality, making the man himself quite ideal as a father. Apparently women find men in kilts attractive as well, attributing masculine confidence to their visible characteristics.

If a kilt doesn't appeal to your senses as a man, perhaps exercise will. Though it was found that neither coffee nor alcohol consumption had any negative effects on sperm count, exercise did increase it drastically, as well as ensuring its quality. The more physical activity in a man's life, the better the chances of conceiving children. It takes two to tango and most definitely requires both the male and the female to be healthy enough to reproduce.

In conclusion, in order to fight the terrors of bacon and other processed foods, including canned ones, stick to white meat fish, kilts and exercise. You do have the option of choosing 2 out of the 3. Nix out cigarettes and marijuana as well, reduce the stress in your life, and keep on trying to have that baby.

Who knows, where new science has failed, these more natural methods might give you your bundle of joy 9 months from now.

But then again, we don't really know that bacon kills men's sperm. The study result was, after all, based on questionnaires and does not show cause and effect. What we do know is that if it is true there are at least three ways ensure healthy sperm



I always knew that bacon fanaticism was a backdoor fertility control scheme! Dang Illuminati has their hand in everything. XD