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I need to forgive, but I don't know how to forgive and move on in a relationship

Armen Hareyan's picture
Forgiving someone who hurt you

Talking to people and learning about their stories I realize that there are people who want to forgive insults, caused by friends and relatives, and to move one in a relationship, but they don't know how to forgive.


I read about a man who met someone in about 3 years ago. They became good friends and spent a lot of time together. They were there for one another and have done things to help one another. At one point he had literally dropped everything t help her in a crisis.

Recently, she accused him of being a bad friend, mainly out of jealousy because this man is now in a new relationship. She now friend lives far away, but she feels that her friend is not there for her anymore. She accuses him of being too busy working.

She struggles and she feels insecure. She has called him a bad friend and he says he can't move on from that because every time he thinks about her it makes him angry. He has told her that he needs time and space, but her messages make him angry. He wants to forgive but doesn't know how to.

What would you do in this situation and how to forgive and move on in a relationship?

First of all if would help you tremendously that you forget what "good works" you have done for people. I wrote "good works" in quotes because when you do good works and remember then and hope that people will always act kindly, you are mistaken. Church fathers say that goodness that is shown, ceases to be good. When you write "I have done so much to help her, literally dropped everything to help her in a crisis," this means you didn't really help her, but instead hoped that one day she would either return the favor or at least not be ungrateful. Let's forget every good thing you have done to people.

Someone said forget the good things you have done to people, but remember the good things they have done for you.

In this and similar situations, forgiving is the answer. Forgiveness is a very liberating experience. Do not be deceived. A man reaps what he sows, apostle Paul tells Galatians in 6:7. One day you will need forgiveness yourself and you will find it if you can forgive people today.

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But how to forgive someone who keeps hurting you?

1. As a first step do not wish him anything bad. If you don't harbor any negative thoughts against that person and particularly do not wish him anything negative or bad, that is a very good first sign.

2.Remember your mistakes. Think about your errors that you have committed willingly and unwillingly. Keeping your mind about your mistakes and your sins will help you to be more tolerant of the mistakes and sins of other people. You will then be able to say, the Lord is patient with me, I will be patient with them. The Lord gives me time. I will give them time too. Holy people say the first sign of a healing spirit is the ability to see your own sins like a sand on a beach.

3. Pray for them. Pray and ask that the Lord may turn their hearts to Him and give you help to forgive. If you can pray for those who hurt you, this is a remarkable sign that you are starting to forgive someone has hurt you.

Once, I was speaking with a medical doctor and he was telling me that people with all kinds of passions visit him. He said these people thought they needed medications to help with their illnesses, "but when I learn about their lives it's obvious to me that they need a spiritual counselor to help them with their difficulties. One cannot forgive a relative. Another is jealous of his neighbor. Yet another hates everything in life and all these things make them ill," he told me.

Forgiving someone who has hurt you is not difficult. But if it does seem difficult, try to employ the 1st step discussed above: do not think anything negative about that person and do not wish him any bad thing. Remember: you will reap what you sow.

Have you been in a situation where you wanted to forgive someone who has hurt you and you found it difficult? Please, let us know in the comments section below how you forgive people who have hurt your feelings.

I am not a licensed counselor, but I will be happy to listen and provide practical Christian answers if you struggling with a family issue and would like to talk one on one. I can be contacted here