When Married People Fall In Love With Their Therapist and Feel Terrible
It is not normal to have a crush on your therapist when you are married or the therapist is married, but some people do and it's a temptation. Falling in love with a therapist is a big temptation if one of you is married and you need to learn how to fight that temptation.
Today I read about a man who says he feels like he is falling in love with his therapist. This man is married and has a family. He feels bad, understands this is a temptation and looks for help.
Unfortunately falling in love with a therapist or having a crush on your therapist is a common issue. In fact, there has been plenty of articles written on the subject if you Google the topic. Often, this happens if you have a new therapist and see him/her regularly weekly. When you see a therapist, talk about your depression and worthlessness it's so easy to fall in the temptation of falling in love with your therapist. A little bit later I will explain why.
However, the interesting thing is that many people who are married, understand that this is a temptation and wrong feeling. Yet, some of them write that they can't live with this feeling and not teeling their therapist. But also, there are some, who are afraid to tell their therapist not because they are married and betray their wives in their mind, but because they are afraid of rejection.
This is a temptation and an evil passion. What is bad about his feeling is that he is afraid of her therapist's rejection, not from the fact that he is potentially betraying his wife in his heart. It's called "adultery in the heart."
In my writings, I look at issues from the point of Christian spirituality. Our Lord Jesus clearly set a new definition of Adultery. He said "You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[a] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:27-28).
Your spirituality is not measured by how many prayers you do, or how many good works you do.
Your spirituality is measured by how much you fight against your own evil passions. That's what leads to humility and purity of heart. This is something, that is greatly overlooked in Western Christianity these days.
The Problem Is When You Share Your Dreams and Fantasies
People with depression and other mental problems go to a therapist who is also a person with his/her own passions and weaknesses. You share your dreams, fantasies, and longings; unearth your unhealthy ambitions and passions, and spill your deepest, darkest secrets, while your therapist listens intently, captivated, hanging on your every sigh. What do you expect in such a situation when you and your therapist are alone in a room. How do you expect temptation not to strike either one of you?
When a therapist follows only a moral code of conduct, it is not enough to overcome temptations of not falling in love with a patient or with a therapist. Deep self-examining spirituality is needed here when one is able to look at his own mistakes, his own sins and come to repentance, which is the most liberating experience someone can have in this life.
Talk Only With a Qualified Therapist and Only About General Things
Knowing about the temptation of falling in love with a therapist or patient Christian Fathers of the Church have warned us not to talk about specific sinful fantasies and unhealthy passions when talking to our confessor. An experienced confessor, knowing how temptation works with our passions, warns people not to talk about specific sexual sins or longings. Instead, they ask only to talk about the sinful direction in general terms and teach how to fight those passions and how to get out of the despair and the feeling of worthlessness.
Good confessors and spiritual therapists show and teach their patients how to fight against their evil passions, not to further fall into temptation.
Resisting temptation is hard work. God knows that repeated experiences in resisting temptation will strengthen our will and make us stronger than ever. But you cannot do this alone without Christ. He is called Savior of the World not because he will save yours from poverty or afflictions, but because he came to save us from our evil passions that lead to death. We need to learn to develop a relationship with Him, who can deliver us from our evil desires and passions, so we can stand up against temptation.
So if you are in a similar situation, know what is wrong so you can clearly see your enemy and learn how to fight against it, but not give in to it.
In this story, it's wrong to fall in love with your therapist if you are married or she is married. It's also wrong because you are betraying your wife and family in your heart. It's wrong because your therapist is no longer able to help you because your thoughts and mind is busy and filled with adulterous thoughts. It will be healthy to see these signs, to see these evils and immediately stop going to this therapist. Fight this passion. Develop a better relationship with your wife and strengthen your marriage. Do good works. Help others and put more meaning in your life. Alone you cannot do this. Passions are victoriously fought only with Jesus.
I am not a licensed counselor, but I will be happy to listen and provide practical Christian answers if you struggling with a family issue and would like to talk one on one. I can be contacted here.