Teasing Can Be The Pits

Teasing

Our 12-year-old daughter is overweight. Her father teases her frequently, calling her such things as "my fat little angel" or "my chubby baby girl" and although he means no harm, the teasing seems to really bother her. Can his innocent teasing actually be harmful to her?

Yes. Teasing can be emotionally harmful and it would appear that even more damage is done during teenage years. A recent article in a leading medical journal looked at the effects of appearance-related teasing in teenagers, evaluating data from 372 middle-school girls. Results showed 25 percent experienced appearance-related teasing by a parent and 29 percent from siblings. When these remarks were evaluated, paternal teasing was associated with body dissatisfaction, low self-esteem and eating behaviors. Maternal teasing was specifically associated with depression in girls. In those families where fathers teased their daughters, it was more likely that siblings would also tease. Increased frequency of teasing was associated with the negative outcomes just described.

Teasing, particularly when done in a "friendly" manner, is often viewed as a harmless practice. It can be done as simple dialog by parents and siblings, and sometimes is a term of endearment. There may be an element of truth associated with teasing and it is now being shown that teasing can have serious consequences, particularly for an early adolescent who is experiencing hormonal and body changes.

Teenage girls (and boys) who are already ill at ease with their adolescent body changes and are insecure in their personal relationships can be seriously affected. As one teenage girl said, "My father doesn't know how much his teasing hurts me." All of us can remember instances of being teased as youngsters and how it hurts. These memories last a long time and may affect how we view ourselves and relate to other people, even as adults.

Although parents and close friends can occasionally tease in a friendly, benign fashion, there is a fine line between friendly remarks and emotionally hurtful consequences. In other settings, such as schools and playgrounds, teasing may be a deliberate form of bullying and must be addressed in a different fashion.

Parents should understand that children pay much more attention and feel much more deeply in regard to parents' comments and in this context parents should rarely tease. Parents should recognize this and find other ways of communicating with their children. It does not hurt a child to discuss her weight in an open, straight-forward fashion, but it would be best discussed one-on-one with siblings excluded. When the issue is discussed, it should be in a thoughtful manner with no teasing or belittling of the child. Remember that what we say to children can have a tremendous impact, much beyond what we intend.

Arkansas Children's Hospital